Thursday, April 15, 2010

My Cousin Got Married & Other Foolishness

Weddings are joyous occasions, at least that's what we're led to believe.  So what happens when I'm forced to sit through a budget/style/common sense lacking wedding? I live tweeted my cousin's wedding last year and my co-worker thought I should share it with you.  Below are my tweets from that tragic event.

Sitting @ my cousin's wedding. Noticing there R more on his side than brides. Is that a sign? We're glad 2 gv him away!  

Cousin Greg is jammin on the sax! All is not lost  

@jazzzyone popular nothing! We can't blv some1 wants his trifling tail   

Check out cousin diane with the fresh perm AND weave. Still ghetto though  

My favorite cousins r here. I lv 2 see black men who've bn raised well 

 I think it's a farce and I can't blv fam has traveled here for this lol   

I'm here 2 witness the foolishness and fuggery w my own eyes. And they're already behind schedule  

Okay wedding officially late. Aunt says they hv 2 wait on the clock to be on the upswing??  

I'm not understanding the parading of the mother of the bride back and forth in the front of the church.   

And why aren't the groomsmen already out here? F and F! 

Lawd geezus and baby geezus! My mother is singing a solo. Take me now!  

The groom looks like he's abt 2 cry  

Reverend looks like he's abt to fall asleep. I wonder what they're serving at the reception  

Why did my aunt gv a crying baby the evil eye? Lol  

Omg! Some nonsinging boy is jacking up luther and now the baby is really crying  

Groom and bride crying tears of joy. I'm crying cuz the singer sucks! 

No they don't hv reserved seats at the reception. I'm sitting where ever I feel lk it  

Don't gv me a ghetto wedding and try to change it up for the reception  

At a table with folks I don't know. They didn't get the memo? Nobody puts baby in the corner!  

Caterer my tail! I see church members throwing on aprons and firing up the sternos. Didn't I tell y'all?  

Aunt Jean is now directing table traffic  

Why is the plasticware wrapped in a paper napkin and tied with a box? It's paper and plastic no matter how u dress it up.  

My lovely plasticware!   

This chick's hair looks like something the cat's been sucking on. I want 2 gv her some Jane Carter's solution & a chi flat iron for real.  

I wish the old man that got a salad 4 his wife brought me 1. They're not serving yet, he's just gangsta  

This lil boy and his brother r sitting across  me trying 2 see who cn mk the strangest noises the loudest & their mom is iggin them FML 

I gv them the look and they stfu. Learned that from aunt jean  

:::banging my plasticware on the table::: feed me now! Feed me now! 

Aunt Jean fussin again    

(no, this was not taken at the wedding, but this is her typical fussing stance)

Sure, Rock the Boat is appropriate entrance music for the bride and groom  

Who set up the head table without enough chairs for the bridal party?? EPIC FAIL  

Now the bride and photographer r trying to move chairs around. Oy vey  

Yep. A pepsi too if u hv one RT @jazzzyone: @Reads4Pleasure lol! want some of my popcorn?  

Singing ur nt always there when I call bt ur always there on time. The DJ is just playing a hidden beach cd. I cd hv done that 

My mother just sd I shd hv planned the wedding 4 them 4 free. NOT! 

I wd settle for hot fries and a pepsi right now. Friggin buffet line and table numbers! Ughh  

Baked chicken? Pound cake? No wedding cake? *wall slide* 

Hell naw! The dj is playing hey ma by camron. I. Am. Weak. 

No dessert or salad left (sigh)  

@Narleski is it possible that I don't care? Lol. I'm just saying what they're thinking   

I've given them all the time I can. Must. Go. Home. *drops mic* 

They caught me at the door (sigh). Serve the muscatel already so I can go!  

These negroaches put a bottle of Andres on each table with some cups and walked away.  
::rocking back and forth:: Jesus be a fence all around me everydayyy. 

I feel like I'm at the V F & W  

Why is this fool giving a toast no one can understand? 

Give me free!!!  

I'm blowing this joint. Lemme pretend to go to the restroom and just walk out.  


  1. I am over here trying to hold back my laughter summin' turrible, haha! This reminds me of the wedding I attended a couple yrs ago. It was my friend's coworker & a hot mess. We were sitting in the church at the time the wedding was supposed to start, but no one was there. People started showing up about 30-45 min later. Then, whomever controlled the music messed up. They were supposed to be playing some light classical ish, but instead blared Plies "Bust It Baby" through the sanctuary. We got a verse & chorus before they realized the error of their ways. The final straw for me was the reception being at a nightclub. #nomaam & #nawsuh

  2. I laughed just as hard this year, as when I was following these tweets live! Aunt Jean for President!